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She is sending a message to girls everywhere, particularly girls of color who may feel like they don’t have a lot of options, that you can earn your own money, enter a relationship with a man because you want to not because you financially need to, and when he’s shown you he’s deserving, you can give him the privilege of making a lifetime commitment to you and then you will give him the gift of a child. Not only when you both feel ready to do it but when you know you’re both ready to be the best parents you can be. – Keli Goff, Why Policymakers Should Rejoice at News of Beyonce’s Pregnancy

Unless, God forbid, you are raped,

YOU choose who YOU reproduce and when YOU reproduce.

Life is not a fairytale nor does it follow fairy tales.

Reality is what YOU make it.

Given the known consequences, how could anyone intelligently not

Aim high


Clarifying expectations sometimes takes a great deal of courage.

It seems easier to act as though differences don’t exist and to hope things will work out

than it is

to face the differences and work together to arrive at a mutually agreeable set of expectations.

from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People


Just do it. Be the woman you want to be. Create the life you desire.

Acting as though and hoping do not work.

And, in the words of Auntie Vanessa,

Stupid won’t save you.

reason (n) the faculty of rational argument, deduction, judgment, etc; sound mind; sanity.

virtue (n) an example of moral goodness or excellence.

rationality (n) a virtue; the state or quality of having or exercising reason, sound judgment, good sense, or logic; reasonableness.

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

– Buddha

There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true. — Søren Kierkegaard

Men are men. They are not women. And they do not think like women.
When a man says or does something, take it at face value, and watch his actions.
If his actions are consistent with what he says, take him at his word.
If his actions are inconsistent with what he says, do not take him at his word.

That’s it.
There is nothing to analyze.
There is nothing to read into.
There is no magic.

Reality does not care whether you like this or not.
It is what it is.

In this country, a woman is free to change her attitude, demeanor, or whole philosophy at her whim.

Mother Nature, however, has rules. And you get to choose whether or not to go along with the rules of nature on this planet. It is your choice.

Either way Mother Nature’s rules still stand.
She does not care whether you like this or not.
It is what it is.

Newton’s Third Law of Motion: To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction.

Choose to make fundamental changes in what you bring to the table as a woman, expect him to seek what he continues to want in a woman somewhere else OR to make fundamental changes in what he brings to the table as a man.

Only a fool would believe anything different.

For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill. Sun Tzu

Especially for a woman.

Unless, of course, she prefers to be seen as a fighter . . . less feminine . . . less attractive . . . less than. This is entirely her choice. But it is in her best interest to know thyself.

If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril. – Sun Tzu

There is a difference between a battle and a war.

Battles are short and heated. Wars are protracted but more importantly, conducted with forethought and strategy.

Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat. – Sun Tzu

Winning a battle means nothing if the war is lost.

Best to be mindful your future because that is where you will live.

Supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting. – Sun Tzu

Feminine women pursue excellence.

And feminine women set themselves apart.

You are


You tend to focus on what is true, tangible and real. With help or alone, in steady, measurable progress, you work toward effective solutions. This indicates maturity and a strong character. Your proactivity is readily evident. It shows up in your attitude, your interests, and in your life.

Being proactive is both positive and attractive.

Expect success!


You are


You tend to concoct false realities where others serve your interests; you point the finger and place blame; or you talk endlessly, struggle, and fight your way to no effective solution. This indicates immaturity and weak character. Your reactivity is readily evident. You use terms like “in a perfect world” and believe in rights not covered in the Bill of Rights.

Being reactive is negative and unattractive.

Expect more talking, struggle, and/or fighting!

Mirror, mirror . . .

You can’t be envious and happy at the same time. – Frank Tyger

Decide which one works best for you.

To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self. – Joan Didion

Put simply, get a life – one of your own.

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own. – Harold Coffin

Count your blessings. They are the truth of your life.

SBW = Strong Black Woman

The Mischievous Dog by Aesop

A Dog used to run up quietly to the heels of everyone he met and to bite them without notice. His master suspended a bell about his neck so that the Dog might give notice of his presence wherever he went. Thinking it a mark of distinction, the Dog grew proud of his bell and went tinkling it all over the marketplace. One day an old hound said to him: “Why do you make such an exhibition of yourself? That bell that you carry is not, believe me, any order of merit, but on the contrary a mark of disgrace, a public notice to all men to avoid you as an ill-mannered dog.”

Those who achieve notoriety often mistake it for fame.

The Best of Us

“For the feminine woman, simply avoid insignificant men and most especially those who attempt to obtain significance through immoral and/or illegal means.”

Just had to quote you, staying away from insignificant men needs to be said over and over again. Thank you. – Sandy, comment on Yes, It’s That Simple

It warrants repeating. However, understanding is one thing. Behavior is another. Behavior must be consistent with solid values and morals.

consistent adj agreeing or accordant; constantly adhering to the same principles, course, form, etc.; not self-contradictory.

If you respect neither the person nor his intelligence, what do you care what he thinks? – me, Please Pick A Lane

It is inconsistent to announce lack of concern and then argue, show spite, or give attitude.

It is inconsistent to entertain a male with potential when you are seeking marriage.

It is inconsistent to claim intelligence, solid morals, and values then pitch in with someone simply because you share a high melanin content.

. . . I wish more of us realized that the way we behave is often linked to the way we are treated. Of course, this extends beyond relationships. I’m thinking of negative media images . . . – hgv, Telltale Signs of a Harpy

At best, this behavior shows desperation. At worst, lack of consistency shows instability.

People generally ridicule, fear, and/or avoid those who are desperate or unstable.

*For clarity regarding significance, see A Sharp Dressed Man, Roles, or A Feminine Manner.

Harpy (n) from Greek mythology, “one that snatches”; a ravenous, filthy monster having the head and trunk of a woman and the wings and claws of a bird.

In current use, it refers to a nasty or annoying woman; a scolding, nagging, bad-tempered woman who destroys all that makes him what he is; she who snatches his soul.

  1. She is two-faced. She uses one for him and one for everyone else.
  2. When greeting him, she rarely says hello, how was your day, or glad to see you.
  3. With him, she is generous with complaints, demands, or whining in general.
  4. She insists, passively or aggressively, that he conform to her way.
  5. She infallible.
  6. She fully expects to be treated lovingly just because she exists.
  7. She is both argumentative and spiteful.
  8. She is both selfish and fiercely independent.
  9. She is generally uncooperative.
  10. She opts for a facade rather than actual femininity, elegance, or grace.

Dressing it up does not work. The result is simply a pretty harpy.

And harpies are repulsive . . . most especially to men!

Check your lane.